Two Castles

In past years, society has been grappling with the structure of the traditional family in context of recent social advances, such as same-sex marriages and the adoption of kids by these couples.  But, when it comes to family, we need a more profound and significant perspective. We can’t only look at the skeleton, but we must reach the heart: How are the boundaries and trust created among the individuals of this important circle. One view is given by the memoir The Glass Castle, written by Jeannette Walls, where she beautifully show us her feelings about her relationship with her parents and sibilings, and the way she survived being raised without bonds of love and care. On the other hand, the poem “Family Castle”, written by Nancy Rakovszky, bring us the contrast of a protective and loving family.

Nancy in her “Family Castle” enchants us when she speaks not only to our mind and emotions, but also explores our senses in describing the ideal family. In the stanza “Our fires will fill your soul with warmth, To cast off the chill outside, Yet stay not here within these walls, They were not built to hide”, it sharpens our tact with the comforting warmth of a protective family. The fortress gives to the one who takes refuge in it, strength and serenity against cold weather of life. Empowerment to go back to real life to win frosty battles instead of hiding from them.

In contrast, Jeannette in The Glass Castle,  on a cold night, suffers alone, having only material possessions as counselors. Her quote “ I’d tried to turn the apartment inti the sort of place wher the person I wanted to be would live. But I could never enjoy the room without worring about Mom and Dad…..and ashamed of myself for wearing pearls, and living on Park Avenue while my parents were busy keeping warm and finding something to eat”. Jeannette has no one to cherish her and share her life. Without joy, she cringes in her loneliness, inside the fortress she has built for herself to hide from the rest of the world.

In the poetry, Rakovszky talks about the fear of the unknown. ”Fear not what you do not yet know, Lead on and find your star, Fill your pack with experience, That you shall gain afar”. A supportive family that provides basic emotional needs supports its members in reaching more distant places, gaining experience, finding their own way.  The natural insecurity of discovery slowly disappears, and confidence advances as self-knowledge and self-worth are developed. This is possible because they are created in the certainty that they can return to the Family Castle whenever they need.

On the other hand, Walls as an independent child, learned to provide herself with the care that is usually given by the parents to the child in development. She was successful in the practical care of life, provided herself with food, clothing, a roof to live under, even riches. However, other fears settled in her mind, She knows that she can not find refuge in her family, since she is hiding and runnig away from them. She wrote “I was too ashamed, Mom. I hid…….”And what am I suposed to tell people about my parents? Just tell the truth, mom said. That’s simple enough”.  In her solitude, Jeanette suffers because she fears that her family will be discovered, and , above all, she dreads the moral judgment in exposing her secret.

A careful family has a powerfull legacy of raising people with courage, strength and completeness. Its anthithesis, can only bring loneliness and a big emptiness in the chest. There is safety in a Castle made of solid blocks placed together by the mortar of trust. Unfortunately, this is not seen in a fragile Glass Castle, where the thin walls can easily be broken.